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About Digital Art / Hobbyist Premium Member MaxMale/Canada Recent Activity
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RainbowPlasma's Profile Picture
RainbowPlasma
Max
Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
Canada
Well, hey there stranger! Nice of you to drop by! I hope you like My Little Pony, or this is going to be REEEEAAAAALLY awkward for you. Also, liking vectors would be a nice start, too!

I am the organizer, editor, and host of the Cutie Art Crusaders, a video podcast for EverfreeRadio. You can find all the initial information here: everfreeradio.com/?page_id=572…
To keep up with the podcast, come out to our premiere livestreams, Tuesdays at 8pm EST. Or, you can subscribe to www.youtube.com/CutieArtCrusad…

Also, I'm a guy. Totally male. Apparently the combination of my name, my female OC, and my magnificent typing skills lead people to believe I am a woman. This makes me laugh. Teehee. That probably didn't help either.

ID made by :iconotakuap: otakuap.deviantart.com/art/pla…

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Hey guys. This one's a bit hard to write, so bear with me if it's not the best written or formatted.

I have depression. Over the last little bit I've been struggling with it, but it was really difficult to actually recognize what I was dealing with. It's.... it's hard to explain, because I thought I had an idea of what it was. You know, sad all the time, sometimes suicidal. That kind of thing. So I guess I was expecting some sort of grand sadness to wash over me if I ever did get depression. That's not what happened at all.

I have.... many insecurities. I'm a classic over-thinker, and it causes me to worry and be anxious over things that even I myself recognize are ridiculous things to think about or worry about. There are all these little.... small things that I've been dealing with over the last few years. They used to pop up every once in a while. Anxiety at X, insecurity about Y, worrying about Z. But they weren't really that common. Like, maybe once a month I'd have a bad stint. Starting.... oh I dunno sometime in September maybe?... they started becoming more frequent. It was a gradual process, where my "normal" just started slipping lower and lower. It's not that I couldn't/can't be happy. Most days I'm happy at some point in fact. But it's that whole feeling that my "normal", you know the mood you kind of settle into after a long day, is not so normal. It's much lower. It's so much easier to slip into these periods of sadness and worry than it was even just a month ago.

So that's why kinda surprised me about depression. I thought it would be all bad, but it hasn't. Like I said, I'm happy frequently still... but I'm also just more frequently sad. And it makes it really weird because when I am happy it's really easy to think: "Nah, it can't be depression because I'm all happy now. It was just a rough patch." But when you keep slipping into those rough patches over, and over, and over again in a small period of time, something is wrong. I have to remind myself of that. Something is definitely wrong. Friends and family have started noticing, and it scares me.

I suppose I thought I could deal with it myself? I've dealt with rough patches and sad stints before by myself, so why not this one? I mean, obviously that's a stupid statement from an outside perspective but this isn't exactly like WHAM DEPRESSION ALERT ALERT IT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. It feels like an extended or deepened version of stuff I've dealt with before. So it's hard to admit that I can't just handle it. I can't though. I really can't. I've been trying and I've just been spinning my wheels.

I talked to my family about it yesterday, which was really tough to do. Tougher than I thought. We're a really open family so talking about this kind of stuff isn't a huge deal, but I still had a really hard time getting the words out. Admitting I needed help with it. But I did, and I'm making progress with my family towards seeing someone about this and getting the help that I need in order to beat it. I almost wrote "push the depression back", but I realized that this was kinda what I've been doing for the last few years. I've been pushing things back, fighting them off but never really actually defeating them or overcoming them. I don't want that anymore because I feel like it's all built up to now. I don't want to "reduce" the amount of outbursts, I want to be able to handle them at all times. I want to dig into why I'm getting depressed and work on the causes as opposed to fighting the reaction.

Anyways, it's good for me to write this kind of stuff. I know there are people out there who relate to my story, and it'll not only make me feel better to know about people experiencing similar things, but I also hope that me coming out and talking about it makes people feel less abnormal when they go through things like this. If you feel similarly, or ever feel like you might have depression, please talk to someone about it. These things aren't easy, so don't try and be stubborn like we all are and try and "beat it yourself". We all need help sometimes. Even me, evidently.

Have a great day,

:iconrainbowplasma:RainbowPlasma
Hah. Thanks to the new DA "feed", now everyone can see when I add something to my butts folder!bongo butt by ponchuZN
Amazing.
Most people probably now know from the Cutie Art Crusaders podcast, but in case you don't.... I'm a HUGE fan of Owl City. I have an entire 60+ song playlist comprised of entirely his songs, and I'm probably missing a ton of other awesome songs just due to laziness. Anyways, he put out a new song and it's awesome! Check it out :3



:D :D :D
  • Mood: Joy

Comments


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:iconteh-j0ey:
teh-j0ey Featured By Owner 2 days ago
You added me to your Watch? Well, that wasn't necessary, but thanks. Hope you enjoy your stay.
Reply
:iconrainbowplasma:
RainbowPlasma Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh haha I was demonstrating to someone something about what happens when you watch someone on DA. Whoops.
Reply
:iconteh-j0ey:
teh-j0ey Featured By Owner 2 days ago
So that was by accident.
Reply
:iconsouth-fur:
South-Fur Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2014  Student Digital Artist
I can't help but want to say this. I just looked at your latest podcast.(Episode 119: A Big Box of Battercorn) and listened to your guys' answers to the first question: "In what kind of book would your OC appear in first?"

Rainbow Plasma: "I like to think of myself as the hero in an adventure story."

My thoughts on that answer: Just you wait Rainbow Plasma...Just.you.WAIT...:icontwilight-rapefaceplz:
Reply
:iconteh-j0ey:
teh-j0ey Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2014
Hey there you Pony butt loving hoser!

Got a question for ya: Didya have a good Thanksgiving oop there?

(I know, my Canadian English sucks, just humor me dammit XP)
Reply
:icontalonsoficeandfire:
TalonsofIceandFire Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2014  Student Filmographer
Hello there Rainbow Plasma. I know my art is arguably not be of an efficient quality to be featured on the Cutie Art Crusaders, but one of my aspiration is be featured (and possibly even interviewed) on the show. How can I be featured on the show, assuming if my art will ever be of a good enough quality? I hope you don't think of me as selfish, rude, or shameless from asking you this. 
Reply
:iconrainbowplasma:
RainbowPlasma Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hi there Talons. Don't worry about leaving a message. Why would it be rude to ask? It's a great question.

These days, we all pick a piece that we each enjoy/think is awesome and we bring it onto the podcast. In order to be featured on the show, one of us needs to bring it. Emailing us, or sending us your art is a good way to start, but keep this is mind: We aren't going to feature things just because they're sent in. There are so many pieces out there that we take a look through, it's hard to say what we will and won't feature.

Keep practising, play an active role in our community, and dedicate yourself to generally improving. Not just for the sake of our show, but because you genuinely want to improve and take your art to the next level. Experiment, collaborate, whatever it takes. 10,000 hours to become an expert, and all that jazz. If you build it, they will come. And by building it, I mean your artistic skill.

Good luck! Hope I was of some help. :)

-RP
Reply
:icontalonsoficeandfire:
TalonsofIceandFire Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2014  Student Filmographer
Thank you, I'll try and work on improving my art and hopefully make a name for myself in the fandom. 

On a tangent, I think the Cutie Art Crusaders should still do themes for episodes, just not as frequently or for special occasions. 
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:iconbkcrazies0:
BKcrazies0 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
fav.me/d806uip

Because you're the best!
Reply
:iconrainbowplasma:
RainbowPlasma Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Awwww no you're the best! <3
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